Single in Montana

Not Your Mama's Relationship Quiz...

September 04, 2012

Sometimes I wonder if the divorce rate would be so high if we could tailor make a questionnaire for our love interests to fill out before we step into the abyss of a serious relationship. I’m not talking about a Match.com sort of questionnaire. I’m talking take-no-prisoners, pedal-to-the-metal, full-frontal, in- your-face, cut-to-the-chase, head-for-the-hills stuff you would only dare to say out loud in the woods, walking alone with your dogs. Of course, I’d NEVER actually have the guts/gall to do it. But making a personal, private list that might serve some purpose.

Stuff like: (indulge/humor me a little here)

1) Precisely how many hours a week would you like to be with me?

Please break that down into the below categories: Talking/ Doing chores/ Having sex/ Cooking/ Watching TV/Cultural outings/ Social outings/ Dates/ Family time/ In-law time/ Physical activities (not including sex)

2) Do you call your mother?

3) Do you tell your father you love him?

4) What’s the worst thing that happened to you as a child? What’s the best thing?

5) Who is your best friend and why?

6) Has anyone close to you ever died and how did you deal with grief?

7) Do you like to sing and/or play an instrument?

8) Do you care if I gain weight? If so how much is too much?

9) What books are on your bedside table?

10) Do you like to kiss? If so, do you consider it merely foreplay?

11) What’s your deal-breaker as far as break-up goes?

12) Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend/spouse?

13) In a pinch, do you lie to get yourself out of a sticky situation?

14) If you could describe yourself in three words, what would they be?

15) Have you ever stolen anything? If so, what was it? How did you feel afterward?

16) What kind of body are you planning to have when you’re fifty? Seventy? Do you plan on making it to 80? What about 90? If so, what’s your strategy?

17) Why do you like me? Give me at least ten reasons but no more than twenty because then I’ll know you’re bullsh------ me. (You’re about to run for the hills, aren’t you. I can see it in your eyes. Hang on—I’ll change my tone. I’m flexible that way FYI.)

18) On road trips, are you generally a conversationalist? On road trips do you like to play music? Can you take LOUD?

19) Could you love a woman who listens to opera? (not on road trips)

20) Could you love a woman who still listens to the Indigo Girls? (maybe on a road trip)

21) (but let’s get back to you) Do you watch Saturday Night Live?

22) What about Glee?

23) What about golf on television? On a sunny day. All day. In August.

24) What’s your Rorschach for parades?

25) Have you ever or would you ever live in a foreign country? Like say, Italy? Tuscany, to be specific? In a villa?

26) Would you ride horses with me?

27) Would you ever want me to play golf with you? And if so, would you be kind?

28) Can you shoot a decent game of pool?

29) Do you pray?

30) Do you know what foie gras is? If so, do you like it? Because that might be a deal breaker for me if you don’t.

31) Would you ever be angry with me if I left crumbs on the counter?

32) What about dishes in the sink?

33) Do you give foot massages?

34) If your son or daughter was gay, how would you handle it?

35) What are your top three places on earth that you want to visit?

36) What’s on your bucket list?

37) Do you believe that chivalry is dead?

38) DO YOU SNORE? If so, would you be opposed to separate bedrooms?

39) What did you get on the SAT’s?

40) Did you think your last partner (if applicable) was better for having spent that part of their life with you?

41) What do you think about marriage vows?

42) What do you think about marriage?

43) What do you think about divorce?

44) What is your relationship like with yourself?

45) Do you cry?

46) What is your sense of God?

47) Wanna start this off by going to therapy with me?

Yeah…better off leaving it to the walk with the dogs in the woods. But kind of a fun exercise. You might want to give it a whirl.

~ Laura Munson is the author of the New York Times best-selling book This Is Not the Story You Think It Is. She lives and writes in northwest Montana. You may read the entire questionnaire on Laura’s blog at http://www.lauramunsonauthor.com.